ZingB

Earlier today allegations started rolling in that Rihanna, one of our premiere musicians and fashion icons, cannot wink correctly. “I’ve seen Rihanna wink before,” you might be thinking to yourself. “In fact, the woman winks all the time. Almost too much!” Ah, but that is where you have truly proven yourself a fool. All this time, Rihanna has been using her charm, vocal ability, and business accumen to distract us from the fact that she is just blinking. Twitter user @NotAgainBen (also known as BuzzFeed UK employee Ben Henry) broke the story earlier today:

🚨 Rihanna can't wink: A mini thread 🚨

No that's two eyes Robyn pic.twitter.com/nIDRMLK4J6

It started with such hope but nope, that's a blink pic.twitter.com/GzwwcjyaPz

This looks like a wink but on closer inspection... nope, blink pic.twitter.com/pOwy2hxl48

You see Rihanna's method is to close both eyes and then open one before the other which... well that's not winking pic.twitter.com/M0MIyWjoLm

She goes in with her left eye BUT THAT GODDAMN RIGHT ONE can't let it go and live. pic.twitter.com/E3XIdcMxTH

RIHANNA STOP FUCKING BLINKING pic.twitter.com/sVGHcoOluX

It's like she just gave up here pic.twitter.com/Vbmcx3HyqM

So yeah, she's a queen in life but Robyn Rihanna Fenty can't wink. Who knew?

FIN.

Is that really the end? It is not. Other users were quick to point out that, while infrequent, RiRi does occasionally come through with a full, complete wink, though it might appear to the casual observer that she is fighting every fiber of her being, and at least one of her eyes, to do so. Even @NotAgainBen concedes a Rihanna mostly-wink:

This is better but see that other eye noT LETTING THE OTHER ONE BE FREE pic.twitter.com/5rhk5TjdjZ

@NotAgainBen SHE FINALLY DONE IT pic.twitter.com/9m9dWcNs7K

So it seems the question is: what level of eye-closing do we demand in our celebrity winks? Does 75 percent eyeball closeage negate a solid effort? Is it enough that Rihanna herself believes Rihanna can wink, a conviction she clearly has considering the number of winks she’s tossing out on a daily basis? If you reduce the quandary down to its most basic elements, the question is not, “Can Rihanna give a full and proper wink?” but “Should we make her?” Just like the beautiful Georgiana in Nathaniel Hawthorne’s “The Birthmark,” perhaps Rihanna’s inability to wink is the imperfection that makes her human. By demanding that she shed her flaw, we will destroy her. Or not. It could just be a weird eye thing or something.

I'd be fine if my job was to hold her other eye open https://t.co/SMQgAEeXBN

Sources

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